Hello again...

So, it has been a busy couple of months.  I was very, very sick.  And of course, I'm always dating... for some reason.  On boys again... they're all butt heads.   Going out, singing still, and just getting everything put back together after the string of tragedies.
My most recent accomplishments, I totally kicked ass playing Portal and Portal 2 and the Co-Opps version... The first two, AMAZING.  Playing with my friend before work everyday was fun too, but I admit that the game itself left something to be desired.  There were only two puzzles that were really puzzling and stumped us for awhile and other then that, and my irrational fear of heights in video games, the Co-Opp version of Portal2 was more or less a cake walk.
I'm also getting back into photography.  If you haven't noticed, we have had a good bit of rain.  So my friend, same friend from earlier, and I stopped out at the Canal in Akron to see the water.  I love random adventures that make it so that you don't sleep when you're suppose to. And we watched the turtles climb out of the water, and took pictures of the Blue Herein.  Weird to share, but I will probably be posting some of the pictures on here from our adventure (we actually are planning it this time)  this week to some park somewhere... I guess the proper thing to do is say that he is planning it.  I get lost in a paper bag and haven't been outside in the summer much since my sinuses attack me like I've come in contact with a plague.  So anyone who is reading this... yeah... I'm boring, and not that funny.  But I enjoy writing here and hope that as time goes by you'll enjoy my writing here as well... Oh... and really.  Keep a look out for the pictures!

SICK

Blah.  So I have been coughing, hacking, and wheezing for the past 2 days.  (really a full month now)  I got sick awhile back and went to the doctors.  The doctor said that I had something viral and gave me some amoxocillin.  Took that and thought that I was getting better until this past week when my throat closed, my chest really started hurting, and I basically starting coughing my lungs out at least once an hour.  So here we go, I've called off work at least 10 times in the past month for illness and other problems, like when my pastor died or when my grandpa died, or my best friends father was in the hospital.  And now they've decided that I can't go back to work until Friday. 
Being ill is the most aggravating thing in the world.  You feel achy, cold, and down right miserable.  So I think that everyone should have and put together a sick day kit.  This is something that you basically pull out when you are at your worst and just not feeling up to dealing with life. 
Here is what is in my sick day kit;
       All three seasons of "The Big Bang Theory"
       Tea and my favorite mug, lemon and honey for the tea
       A bit of chocolate, because who can live without that in a miserable state
       A box of tissues (puffs ultra soft and strong brand)
       My MP3 player with my playlist of gentle music for sick days
       Peppermint bubble bath, smells good and really helps to open the sinuses
       A good book (The Princess Bride) for when I'm feeling ambitious
       And of course, Chicken Noodle Soup (has healing powers!)
Make a sick box so that you can curl of on the couch with your favorite things and not have to think about anything extra for days! 

Death

A lot of the time I feel like I'm jaded to death. Then something like the past few months happens and I realize that no one is ever really numb to the feelings of grief and loss.  I've spent a lot of time dealing with death, I've worked around it for years.  And after so many times of watching someone die and going to so many funerals you would think that I wouldn't even blink an eye when I got the phone call telling me that my grandfather had passed away.  It's sad.  And I miss him already.  He was a great grandfather.  And He will be sorely missed. 

Oh... the trouble with boys...

So for those who know me... I am a mess when it comes to dating.  I was engaged, and then single for 5 years.  After that five years I started seeing people again...(Yes it seems like a long time... but Honestly I was too young the first time and really just wanted to find my footing in the world before I pulled another human being into the mess that is me)  And saw several guys on and off and on and off, and finally decided that I was ready to really start dating again.  I'm 23, I should be dating... That's where my life should be if I want to get married someday right?  Well... I've dated 4 boys since this decision.  3 i met online... blah... and 1 that I made the biggest mistakes of my life with as of this point in time.. I'm sure I have plenty of time to make more and bigger mistakes... Anyway... the first three... well... we ended up being better friends then boyfriend girlfriend.  The last was a friend and a coworker... And when I say I made a huge mistake, gosh was I stupid trusting someone that I worked with to be okay with the end of a relationship.  He wasn't.  At all.  And it is soul crushing to have lost such a good friend.  Before we dated I kind of felt like I had someone I could depend on.  Someone to call and hang out with.  But alas... we dated.  And I'm not proud of it now that it's over.  He broke up with me 2 days before Valentines day... Like my fiance and I... and he can't hardly talk to me... like my fiance and I, and it's just awkward as all get out.  The worst part is that he broke up with me... and then said the only phrase that I think can send just about anyone on the receiving end of a dump can hear... Lets still be friends... And now he says he's not ready for that... Look... if you weren't ready then why did you ask.  I wanted our friendship to be okay and I told you that before we ever dated.  In fact it was a requirement of mine when we started dating that you be sure you could handle that. 
So whatever... boys are stupid.  I may sound like I'm about to check out to the other side... but in all honesty I could never.  Girls are crazy!  I wouldn't want to date me... And every guy I get involved with I warn them and tell them that they don't want to date me either.  I think it's only fair.  I know I'm insane.  But I think girls are crazy because boys are stupid.  And really, you can train stupid but you can't train crazy. 
Stupid boy of the week... The new guy who wants to jump into dating me. . . I like him.  he's another cancer...and when cancers get together they feel very comfortable and at home.  He's older... Good sign, he loves art, he loves to sing, and hang out and drink.  We have A LOT in common already.  But his big mistake... He asked me into bed on the first date. 
.......?
NO NO NO NO NO! 
If anyone who should happen upon this blog does this... Bad move!  Especially when a girl tells you up front that she isn't interested in a relationship right now!  Don't ask her into bed!   What are you thinking?  Do you want a shot with her at all?  I know boys are stupid... but really?  Why on EARTH would you think that is a good idea when I already told you I just want friends right now.  If something develops in 6 months from now... great.  If we just stay friends, Well... we both have a new friend we didn't have before.  Yeah, I'm still healing from the break up... but I'm over my boy craziness.  I'm not looking for someone to climb into bed with.  I want someone close by to talk to and hang out with... and when we go out at night keep the creepers at bay.  Smooth move lovely cancer man.  Smooth move. 
I'm not saying it's not possible for things to look up at this point with this guy... but it's defiantly a set back for him.  He's not getting into my pants for at the very least 3 months.  And he'll know that soon enough.  Guys... when a girl says she just wants a friend... usually, she means it... And if you think that's not true... guess again.  She just wants a friend. 

For those who are looking for some dating... there are plenty of free sites out there... check these out.

plentyoffish.com   and   okcupid.com

They are free dating sites, and as far as my past relationships have been, I've been pretty well matched... I'm still friends with all of the guys I've met off them and I think it's possible to find someone decent and cool on both of them.  I do like okcupid better then plentyoffish... but they're both not too bad.

Phones.... And prankers...

So I work in a call center over night that takes incoming calls for several different ministries.  I'm not currently 100% sure on my beliefs when it comes to religion.  I have believed in a deity for some time now, and honestly I feel like working for ministries is crushing my soul.  There are so many terrible people out there trying to take advantage of good, honest people and it makes me sad.  One of the ministries I work for tells people that if they don't call in and donate money that God won't bless them.  That is terrible!  I mean, who are these people that they think they have the right to speak on behalf of the Almighty?  I realize it's generally understood that God speaks through the Pope.  And we hope that God was guiding the words and thoughts of the people who put the Bible down on paper.  But I feel like these ministries are going too far!  They prey on desperate people in need of a miracle telling them it's just a phone call... and $1000 away.  That if these people who literally don't have money to keep their lights on, give money to these ministries that God will bless them and they will never have to worry about finances again.  It's terrible. Some nights I really feel myself wanting to cry with the people calling in and tell them that all they need is to have faith... or there are people who can help them, people like social services,  REAL churches.  Not scam artists. 
The only thing that really makes the job worth while is the prank callers and the irate callers.  These are the people who take a stand against what this ministry does.  It is the highlight of my day when I get a phone call from someone telling me that the whole ministry is going to Hell in a hand basket because of what they are doing.  And you know what, sometimes I just want to tell them that I think they're right.  Sometimes the prank calls go a little far, i.e. the man who calls and asks if we're idiots worshiping the God that raped the virgin Mary... but I get what you're doing.  I understand.  And while it is annoying to be called an idiot 20 times a night by the same person... I still applaud you.  Thank you for having a brain and being honest.  And thank you for seeing this ministry for what it really is.  One BIG Scam.  Because while I know that they have several outreaches... they're not serving the people who are actually watching them.  And if that's not the purpose of a ministry I don't  know what is. 

Look.  If you happen to stumble across this blog, and you're in a financial straight of some sort... Don't turn to giving money away that you honestly don't have.  Don't put yourself into further debt because you're praying for a miracle... Because if God just so happens to drop $1000 into your lap out of thin air, I'm pretty sure that he wants you to keep your heat on and put food in your families bellies.  But if you find this and that's where you're at... Check out these sites.  There are people here who are the real angels, and the real miracles that I think God probably intended for you to find.  After all, if we are assuming that there is a God, and you've found this blog, Maybe that's the miracle you've been looking for. 

Until next time... Peace everyone.  Love and respect one another for the unique and beautiful individuals that we all are.  God Bless.

http://www.incharge.org/
This site has been featured in several well known papers and magazines nation wide and they specialize in helping people with credit card debt and other things.  They have a toll free number and have an A+ rating from the BBB (Better Business Bureau).

http://www.careonecredit.com/
This site is like the previous one, mentioned in several national papers and magazines as well as on many national talk shows.  Accredited by the BBB and have a A Rating.  They are also available 24/7, and have an easily navigate-able website. 

http://www.nhsa.org/
This is the National Head Start Association.  They are one of the most well known groups who help lower income families take care of children.

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ocs/liheap/
This site is specific to energy assistance.  They help families pay bills such as heating.  They are a federal organization.

http://needhelppayingbills.com/
This site is another national site.  They help with more of the general things, and help you find the right program. 

http://feedingamerica.org/
This is a BBB Accredited charity, and they have a ton of space dedicated to letting you know that this charity really kicks ass!  They have several locations all around the country and use 98% of all donations to go directly to, as the name would suggest, feeding America.

http://benifitscheckup.org/
This site has all kinds of stuff, from food stamps to affordable health insurance. 

Also, don't forget that there are tons of free clinics all over the country, so there is no reason the due without health care.  And these are only some of the sites... There are TONS more.  Just keep looking.

Watch out for : Freedom Debt Relief, they only have a C+ from the BBB and are not accredited. They also have 246 complaints, many of which are being investigated.
Also, if you're wondering whether the company you're looking at is a good one or night, the BBB is in charge of making sure that people are not getting scammed and making sure that businesses are doing what they say they are.  This site is an easily navigated site that will give you a quick grade of the company, tell you whether they're accredited or not.  If the BBB doesn't know who it is... stay away from it. 

You're just a boy

I'm not your toy,
I'm not a play thing to share with your friends
Or to fall back on when your relationship ends.
I am not something that you get to mistreat and abuse
Because you've been feeling blue.
If you love me and you want me I am here for you,
To lean on and to support.
I am always happy to be a fort
But I will not feel like advantage is being taken
If you thought I would, then you were mistaken.
I'm right here in front of you.  Open your eyes and see
That everything you want I also want to be
Stop running around and trying to find
What you think is absolutly perfect and right.
Because I've been waiting with my arms open
But I wont take your token
And be the ride
And a place for you to hide.
I am a woman.
And if you continue to mistreat
All that is me
Baby, some day you're gonna see.
I wont be standing here waiting anymore.
I don't mind leaving, I can do it alone
I am fine and I do well on my own.
But don't think I don't want you there
Because if I didn't I wouldn't say I care. 
There needs to be an understanding
Of what we are and where we're landing
Or what is happening, what we're planning.
Until you know I will continue to wait.
But don't think that means I'll stay
Forever.
Never.
I am not your toy.
And you're just a boy.

Doesn't it seem sometimes like women are looked at as play things?  Like guys don't seem to understand that behind the facade of strength and love we have feelings.  I think feminism was a wonderful thing... but Maybe it was taken a little far... Just because I can do it alone, and I can take care of myself and I don't need you doesn't mean that I want to be alone.  Just because I can do it for myself, that doesn't mean that I don't want you there to do it for me.  And I know that men need to feel needed.  I'm sorry.  I don't need a man.  But if I give you a look and say bring you into my life, that should make you feel ten times better then being needed.  Because that means that I am willing to give up my independence and singlehooddom to restrain myself to just you.  Only you.  Why can't you do that too?  If I'm willing to do that, why can't you be willing to do that too?  I thougth that was the understanding in the relationship aspect.  And again, I will say... I don't need you.  But I want you.

Day 1

So, I'm not very internet savvy and as I sit at the computer eating my chicken nuggets and trying to download music to my mp3player that I just got for Christmas... I'm wondering what it's like to have a blog... Which leads me to this.

So as a first post I thought I would just tell anyone who may stumble across this about me and why I really decided this sounded like fun.  I'm 23, single, and live in no where, Ohio.  I was in a relationship and he kinda split.  Then my last friend who lived within an hours drive of me hopped on a plane and flew himself back to California where I bet he's having boat loads more fun then I am.  So I guess I needed something interesting and fun to do and this fit the bill.  My intentions as of now are to post at least once a week and maybe put other things up here... Like my near death experiences (yeah, right), my exciting sexual escapades... of which I don't really have, or vent about my high pressured job.  I hope you guessed that there isn't any such high pressure going on in the work place.  I might throw some poetry around, or post random things I find when I'm stumbling online, or ask for advice when I'm going insane!  anyway...  Yeah.  We'll call it a day for now.